


Lazzo and the Origami Killer

by PrepSchoolAda



Category: Detroit Evolution - Fandom, Heavy Rain
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Fic, F/M, Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Post-Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, WHOLESOME CRACK, had to make my own canon for lazzo's gf, i wrote and proofread this in like two hours and it shows, lazzo deserves to be happy with his android girlfriend, let's gooooooooo, no beta we die like men, that's cool!, this is my first DE fic that is entirely DE original characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrepSchoolAda/pseuds/PrepSchoolAda
Summary: Detroit is being terrorised by Scott Shelby, the Origami Killer; a mysterious serial murderer who kidnaps children, traps them in a storm drain and drowns them in the rainwater. Rather annoyingly, Lazzo has fallen into this storm drain. This messes with both his and Scott Shelby's plans for the evening.Luckily, Lazzo has a badass android girlfriend, and she's not scared of any Origami Killer.
Relationships: Lazzo/Lazzo's Android Girlfriend
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Lazzo and the Origami Killer

**Author's Note:**

> ...SO. I should explain!!
> 
> Last month, Michelle did a stream of Heavy Rain on OctopunkMedia's Twitch and the chat was throwing around Heavy Rain AUs for Detroit Evolution. There were many suggestions! Nines does the trials for Gavin, Gavin does the trials for Nines, Gavin does the trials for one single cup of coffee - it was a fun time!
> 
> I, in all my infinitely cursed wisdom, suggested that Lazzo's android girlfriend does the trials for Lazzo. The twist: Lazzo isn't an Origami Killer victim, he just fell into his storm drain and now Lazzo's android girlfriend has to get him out.
> 
> It SHOULD HAVE ENDED THERE but then I was like "you know what? Lazzo doesn't have enough fics"
> 
> So... here we are.
> 
> this is me procrastinating on finishing Target Acquired and we all know it

"Oh, shit!"

Suddenly and inexplicably, Lazarus "Lazzo" Fratello had belly flopped into a half full storm drain. How he hadn't seen it was anybody's guess, it was very large and very wide. Yet he'd descended into it without grace or poise, sending his box of android contraband flying. Even more annoyingly, his boa seemed to have flown off as he fell.

As he looked up, he heard footsteps rushing towards the drain's entrance. A confused man came into view; private detective Scott Shelby. He wore a large beige coat and seemed to be in his late forties.

"Oh, thank God!" called Lazzo. "Hey! Hey, man! Help me out of here? Please?"

Shelby's face darkened.

"I can't let you leave, kid," he said. His kindly face contradicted his unexpectedly threatening voice. "I can't have you letting my secret out."

"What secret? Dude! Come on, let me out!" Lazzo whined. "Hey, can you pass me my boa? It was a present from my girlfriend. Wait, actually no, it's kinda wet down here. Can you keep it safe for me, scary man who hangs out near giant storm drains?"

Wait. Giant storm drain, suspicious man within earshot of it, a bunch of children being drowned by rainwater... oh no. No way. Had Lazzo accidentally found the Origami Killer?

"Holy shit, it's you!" said Lazzo. "Man, I'm not gonna tell anyone, I swear! I was just looking for"-

"Sorry, son," said Shelby, the Origami Killer. "I can't let you go. Not yet, anyway. This could be interesting..."

Shelby leaned in slightly closer to the bottom of the storm drain. "What's this about your girlfriend?"

*

Tanya, an AC500 android, paced the small apartment she shared with her human boyfriend, trying to shake off her worries. She didn't like the thought of Lazzo out there by himself, she never did. It seemed like the DPD was never off his back, and for what? For trying to make a better life for them both? For doing for her what the government refused to do? She only hoped she wouldn't have to pick him up from a holding cell again tonight. Despite the inclusion of android detectives in the DPD, she rather resented the way the human cops looked at her and spoke about her whenever she entered the station. One of them, Detective Gavin Reed, had actually pointed at her when he realised who she had come to collect and said "holy shit, she's real". It had made her deeply uncomfortable.

Suddenly, something unexpected happened; she was getting a call on her HUD, and it was from a personal cell phone. It wasn't Lazzo's number. What on earth was going on?

When she answered, she saw Lazzo. He was technically safely out of police custody, but unfortunately was instead at the bottom of a storm drain.

"Tanya, oh my God, help, the dude's crazy!" yelled Lazzo erratically. "It's the Origami Killer! That sounds like bullshit, but it is!"

"He kidnapped you?!" whispered Tanya, horrified.

Lazzo's cheeks reddened. "No, I, um... I fell into his storm drain."

"You... you what?"

"Look, I was... looking around and I wasn't looking where I was going and I just kind of fell in! It could happen to anybody!"

"Lazzo!" yelled Tanya, her voice somewhere between exasperation and panic. "You don't accidentally fall into a serial killer's storm drain!"

"Well I did! Help me!"

Tanya knew full well that she owed Lazzo this, given he'd basically taken up a life of crime for her. She just couldn't believe that the moment for her to prove her love for Lazzo had arisen from Lazzo falling into a glaringly obvious storm drain in a time where storm drains were the weapon of choice for a notorious serial killer. He was so exhausting. She loved him so much.

"Alright, where are you!"

"He'll kill me if I tell, you have to find me yourself! He said you need to do these weird ass trials to find out the address? Okay, here's the deal..."

Lazzo went on to give Tanya several locations where she would find supposedly deadly trials that would test her will to put herself at risk for the ones she loved. After completing each trial successfully, a piece of an address leading her to Lazzo's location would be revealed to her. Lazzo was terrified as he described them. Tanya was not. She was built for athletics and endurance and was fairly certain these trials were designed for human test subjects. And with Lazzo's life on the line? Nothing was getting in her way.

"He says you have a week!" said Lazzo urgently.

Tanya scoffed. "I'll have them done in a few hours. Hang tight, babe. Keep him busy."

*

The first trial would involve Tanya driving against traffic for five miles within five minutes on the highway. Tanya smirked as she was told this at the location. Was that all? Tanya was quite the gifted driver, actually. Although driving on the wrong side of the road compromised her analysis for the safest possible route, she found herself quite able to navigate a suitable way through the opposing vehicles. She was even able to do it so fast that she'd completed the five miles within only two minutes.

"At least make me work for it, asshole," she'd muttered with a satisfying grin as she collected a piece of the address, turned the car around and headed to the next location Lazzo had given her.

The second trial was rather annoying; she had to crawl through glass and then navigate her way through a maze of electrical capacitors.

"Lazzo impersonated a doctor to get me these arms..." she grumbled as she crawled through the glass. "The Origami Killer owes me _so_ much money when this is over."

When she stood above the maze, she took several steps backwards until her whole body was backed against the wall.

"Alright..." she said, bracing herself. "Let's do this."

Powered by her superior biocomponents, sheer willpower and thoughts of getting Lazzo home before sundown, she took a mighty leap and against all odds jumped over the entire maze in one go. She landed unceremoniously before the next piece of the address.

"That could have gone worse," she conceded as she took her prize and headed off for the next trial.

Oh come on, now, the third trial was just insulting. She had to cut off one of her fingers? They were so expensive!

"The Origami Killer's god damn lucky that Lazzo's criminal record won't survive me actually killing him," she said furiously as she took a knife to her pinky. She'd only just replaced that hand, too. Did this man even _realise_ how extortionate android maintenance was?

The fourth trial required her to kill a known drug dealer and take a picture. Ha, she'd lived in the rough part of town long enough to know how to fake someone's death. It would be time consuming, but worth it. She knocked on the target's door.

An annoyed looking man answered, opening the door sleepily. "What do you-?"

Tanya knocked him out before he could finish his sentence and dragged him inside. Luckily for her, he had all the ingredients in his kitchen necessary for a mixture that convincingly looked like human gore. She prepared it quickly, smeared it in the places that counted, and took a picture. Unsurprisingly, the killer had been fooled.

"It's gonna suck for him when he wakes up, but it could have been a lot worse..." mumbled Tanya as she headed out of the drug dealer's apartment. All of this had taken her less than two hours. She was going to savour the look on the Origami Killer's face when she turned up to save Lazzo so quickly.

The last trial had actually made her laugh out loud - she was being tasked with ingesting fake poison.

"Anyone can tell this is non-lethal! Literally anybody!" she'd howled before swallowing it whole. She checked the now full address she'd been given.

"852 Theodore Roosevelt Road? Okay," she muttered as she got in the car and headed off. In truth, she probably could have figured that out after only two or three trials. This whole experience had amused her greatly, however - imagine someone out there thinking she couldn't complete these trials in a matter of hours, and that she wouldn't do it for Lazzo.

*

Shelby was still standing menacingly over the storm drain when Tanya arrived. Good, Lazzo was keeping him busy. Lucky for them both, he could talk for hours. Tanya tried to listen in as she got closer to them. Ha, he was talking about gun arms again. Brilliant.

Tanya grabbed Shelby in the middle of his smug sentence and punched him in the stomach. He let out an unholy cry of pain.

"That was for wasting my god damn Tuesday!"

She then picked him up and hurled him at least six metres away from her, and that distance had been a result of her holding back. Shelby fell to the ground, whimpering pathetically.

"That's for all the children you've killed!"

Finally, she darted over to him, dragged him up so he was shakily on his knees, and leaned in close to his ear.

"And this is for scaring my boyfriend."

She whacked him upside the head, just enough to knock him out cold, and dragged him with ease to the storm drain. She worked her magic on the lock, yanked Lazzo out and lowered Shelby in, reattaching the padlock when she was done. Lazzo watched her with admiration.

"Thanks, babe," said Lazzo giddily. "That dude was _scary_."

Tanya shrugged, picking his boa off the ground and lovingly wrapping it around his neck. "Yeah? Well I'm scarier."

*

They drove together to the DPD station with the only key that was getting Shelby out of that storm drain.

"Lazzo, what the hell were you doing in that place anyway?" sighed Tanya. Lazzo mumbled in response, seemingly embarrassed by his answer.

"Speak up, honey."

"I was... looking for parts," said Lazzo sheepishly.

Tanya raised an eyebrow. "In there?"

"I didn't wanna go to any of my dealers, I... I keep getting caught," Lazzo stared into his lap. "I didn't wanna add to my record, it'll just get us both in more trouble... I've basically been looking everywhere..."

Tanya rolled her eyes slightly, taking one of Lazzo's hands as she drove.

"Well, I'll definitely need a little more maintenance after this, the trials fucked up my arms as you can tell," she gave an empty laugh. "But I signed up for the trouble, babe. I knew what I was getting into with you. I love you, you idiot."

Lazzo grinned from ear to ear. "I love you too."

When they arrived at the station, the detectives and officers alike discovered once and for all that not only was Lazzo's android girlfriend real, but both she and Lazzo himself were responsible for the much sought after discovery and capture of the famous Origami Killer. Lazzo was never bothered by the police again, and generous donations were made to allow Tanya trouble-free maintenance in the future.

It was a tumultuous, crazy life that Lazzo and his android girlfriend lived. They wouldn't trade it for the world. 


End file.
